


Not Myself

by bandsexuhell



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Anal Sex, Bottom Luke, F/M, Lashton - Freeform, M/M, She's the Man AU, Smut, Top Ashton, cross dressing, larry stylinson - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-07-17
Updated: 2014-08-31
Packaged: 2018-02-09 06:12:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 8,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1971918
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bandsexuhell/pseuds/bandsexuhell
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ashton was pretty socially awkward.</p><p>     He chose to sit and read Sherlock Holmes while studying to become a lawyer.  (He actually wanted to be a detective, but his parents shipped him to Arizona to become a lawyer.)</p><p>     All was well, until Luke Hemmings entered the picture.</p><p>     "Dress like a girl," they said, "It'll be fine," they said. </p><p>     Well, it wasn't.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

 

    

     Ashton was scared as fuck. He adjusted the black Ray-Bans on his face and clutched his copy of The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes  tightly to his chest.  The blonde eighteen-year-old took a deep breath and marched into his building.  The dull grey of the dorm's lobby-of-sorts did nothing to calm his nerves as he walked up to a tall desk with a very focused man sitting behind it. _Liam Payne_ , the plaque read.  "Excuse me. Sir?" Ashton asked timidly. Liam managed to pry his eyes away from the computer he was typing on. "You're like the fourth Australian today," Liam said cheerfully with a genuine smile plastered on his face, "What do you need?"

     "Dorm assignments," And before Liam could open his mouth again to a ask name, Ash spoke up, "Irwin, Ashton."  Liam's head turned back to the computer, the smile never truly leaving his face, and tapped a few keys. The secretary, Ashton deduced from his mannerisms, stood up and handed him a key marked, _221B_.  "The B Building is located just around the corner, and there my friend Niall will guide you to your room where your belongings are located," Liam smiled that genuine smile again, "Welcome to the University of Arizona." Ash tried to smile back, but probably looked as if he was grimacing. He turned on his heels and began his trek to the B Building.

     "Come to our barbeque!" A brightly colored flyer was thrust into Ashton's face along with a high-pitched Yorkshire accent blaring in his ear.  He gripped the paper, still glued to his face by a small hand, and pulled it away, squinting to read the writing. _LGBTQA Barbeque!  Come celebrate who you really are with good food and glitter!_   "Sorry," Ashton told the short man in front of him, "But I'm not gay."  The man's eyes lit up. "It doesn't matter! You can classify as a straight-ally; that and asexuality are what the A stands for!" he squealed, "I'm Louis! And this is my boyfriend Harry!" Louis pulled a tall, lanky boy to his side. "What's your name?" Harry asked at the same time Louis asked, "What do you classify as?"  Ashton must've looked like a deer caught in a truck's headlights as he didn't know how to respond.  "I-ee-I.....Ash-"

      "Oh, just leave him alone," another Australian accent sounded, "He doesn't care about your gay bullshit, guys."

       And, _oh_ , if Ashton had a deer-in-the-headlights look before, he surely did now.

      "Luke," Louis turned around to shush the other Australian, "You're supposed to be our straight ally."  That was when Ashton got a clear view of Luke as he stood up to usher Ash away. As Luke pushed him towards the B Building, Ashton could barely walk as he still tightly clung to his novel.

      Luke was, what's the word, _fucking gorgeous_.  His blonde hair was pushed up leaving his beautiful blue eyes in clear view. The Australian's lips (Ashton could go on all day about how pretty those pink lips were) were adorned with the _sexiest_ black lip ring.  Tight black skinny jeans clung to his surfer body along with a punk-rock band shirt and all-black Vans.

      Ashton didn’t realize they were in an elevator until Luke asked, “Which dorm?”  Ash’s vision focused suddenly as he snapped back into reality. “221B.” Ashton focused his hazel eyes onto Luke face as he looked away to press the elevator button.  “Oh cool. You’re with my friend Michael and you’re two doors down from my friend Calum and I. They should be here tomorrow,” Luke must’ve seen Ashton’s quizzical glance and replied, “Flight delay.”

     There was an awkward silence all the way to Ash’s room.  The key was violently jammed into the lock and twisted as the owner of the key stepped inside, Luke waiting on the opposite side of the threshold. “So, you gonna be at the barbeque?” he asked, fiddling with his piercing.  _Well, he’s phrasing it as if he’ll be there so I have to go._   Ash shrugged. “I guess so,” he replied.

     Ashton slowly closed the door, but its path was obstructed by an all-black Vans covered foot. “I don’t think I got a name,” Luke said so very calmly.  Ash’s lips twitched up into a smile. “Ashton,” he told Luke as they shook hands all formal-like.

     And if that touch didn’t leave Ash turned on as he slid down the closed door, well someone better fuck him.

     And if those blue eyes didn’t provide Ash with the best wanking session he’d had…well, _ever_ … someone better fuck him; _with a pole._

And if those feelings didn’t scare the shit out of Ash because _he was straight_ , someone better fuck him; _with a cactus._


	2. Chapter 2

 

     You could probably see it from space. Rainbow lights highlighted a glittery sign reading _LGBTQA BARBEQUE_. Ashton carefully opened the door leading into the banquet hall. It wasn’t really much of a barbeque to be honest. The same rainbow lights highlighted a wooden dance floor where no one really was. Five long tables stretched across the hall; four held a plethora of students, while the fifth held a large buffet full of the only barbeque-y thing there; a bowl of a red (probably alcoholic) beverage and containers of food you may find at a barbeque. Ash cautiously stepped further in. “Hey mate! You’re Ashton right?” an Australian body slammed into his and encased his hand in a tight shake. The guy was rather pale and had some impressively blue hair. “I’m Michael, your roommate!” Ash released his hand with a tight smile and looked to the person standing next to Michael. “Calum,” the slightly-quieter man took Ashton’s hand in a small shake this time. Calum had black hair and dark-ish skin, unlike his more colorful friend. “You don’t talk much do you?” Michael asked, examining Ashton’s face. The blonde shook his head. Then the heavens parted as another joined them.

      “I see you’ve met Ash. Mind if I call you that?” that perfect sex voice asked someone….. somewhere….. The enamored blonde nearly forgot to respond. “Nah. It’s fine,” he replied as if he was in a trance staring at Luke. “Well let’s go sit down,” Calum butted in to the two blonde’s little staring fest. The two nodded in sync and followed the others. The four sat down, Ash and Luke across from Cal and Mike. “I’m gonna go and bring us some drinks,” Luke said as he stood up to walk over to the punch bowl so far away.

      “We should go and join that game of truth or dare over there,” Calum suggested once Luke got back with the definitely-alcoholic punch and the boys were rather tipsy. Michael quickly glanced over as not to be seen. “Eww no. Camilla Anderson from high school is over there,” Michael replied, “We’ll play our own game.” Calum rolled his eyes and stared back down at his nearly-empty cup. “I’m game,” Luke offered and turned to Ashton. He shrugged and nodded. “Alright, Luke. Truth or dare?” Michael began. Luke didn’t even flinch and replied. “Dare.” Michael appeared to contemplate what he’d say.

      “I dare you….. to get us another round of drinks,” Mike said. Luke glared before standing up and Mike burst into cackles. “Okay, since Luke’s left. Your turn, Cal!” Calum quickly looked back up and blushed. “Yeah, right,” he started, “Ash, truth or dare?” With the newfound confidence the alcohol provided, Ashton quickly answered. “Dare.” Cal looked taken aback, clearly expecting a truth. “I dare you to….. dress like a girl and date Luke!” Calum held up his hand that Michael slapped. Ash must’ve looked pretty worried. “C’mon,” Michael comforted him, “None of the teachers know Ashton Irwin quite yet.” “Fine. But only for a two months. Okay?” Ash stated. Luke started to walk back to the table so Calum quickly tuck out his hand for Ash to shake. “Deal.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

      “Just told Luke that I’m going on an emergency trip down under for two months,” Ashton called out into the dorm as he stepped in. Calum and Mike stood in the room with various girly clothes, a wig in the same color as Ashton’s hair, and many other accessories. “Classes start today so we have to work out girl-Ashton’s everyday routine,” Calum told him as he sat Ash down on the bar stool in the middle of the room. A devilish grin took its place on Michael’s face. “Let’s get started, shall we?” he said. Various makeups were smeared over Ash’s face and fake boobs and a bra placed. His legs were waxed and feet shoved into white Converse. A maroon skirt was shoved onto him as well as a white crop top. Ashton would admit that he wasn’t very built. He was quite skinny with some feminine-like curves. Cal and Mike showed him how to apply everything and ushered him into the bathroom to see his transformation in person.

      Ash stared at this new person in front of him as he practiced his girl voice and mannerisms. He looked to Calum and Michael who looked like proud parents sending their child to their first day of school. “Thank you,” Ashton told them while encasing them both in a hug. Ashton was ready to leave before Calum cleared his throat. “Forgetting something?” Ashton turned around to see Calum there with his glasses in one hand. The girly-boy grabbed them and shoved them on his face. “Go get ‘em,” Michael told his as he flung his messenger bag over his shoulder.

      Ashton walked to class, getting many wolf-whistles on his way there. He gracefully walked to the lecture hall, spotting Luke a few rows up. Ash kept his cool, sashaying into the seat next to him. “Hey, what’s your name?” Ash asked, voice right on point. Luke glanced over, pupils dilating and mouth flying wide open. “Uhhh, Luke,” he replied. Luke’s eyes slowly traveled up Ash’s body, finally hitting his eyes. “Ashton,” he replied, remembering to keep his Australian accent girly. The boy squinted. “Wha—“

     “Hello, class. My name is Professor Jenkins. Welcome to the world of American Poetry,” the professor at the head of the class spoke in a monotone. He pulled out a clipboard and began attendance. And at that moment, Ashton had never been more relieved to have a common Australian last name. “Luke Hemmings,” the professor searched the hall as Luke rose said, “Present.” The professor looked back down at his clipboard. “Ashton Irwin.” Ashton called out as Luke had done before while receiving a quizzical glance from the Australian next to him. At the end of class, Luke handed him a small slip of paper. “Call me,” he instructed. And Ash nearly burst out screaming.


	3. Chapter 3

Ashton ran into the dorm screaming.  “Michael! Holy shit! I got his number!” Ash squealed, dropping his bag and flopping onto his bed. Michael looked up from his phone for a half-second. “Cool,” he mumbled.  Ash sat up straight in an instant, gaping at Mike.  Michael looked back up to see the blonde’s shocked expression.  “What?” the blue-haired Aussie asked.  Ash’s hazel eyes went even wider.  “He. Gave. Me. His. Phone. Number. Michael,” Ashton said slowly, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. Mike shook his head and diverted his attention back to the glowing screen.

     “Why are you so excited, anyway? He gave girl-Ash his number. What’s the fuss?” Ashton tensed up, ready to lie.  “You know, just excited for girl-Ash.  Excited for this dare to be over….. You know,” he stammered, awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck.  Mike rolled his eyes and nodded. “Sure,” he said sarcastically.  Ashton sighed and picked up his phone and made a contact.  _Now, what?_   “Should I text him? Is it too early? Should I wait?”  Ash began to panic.  Mike scoffed. “You sound like a girl,” Michael told him, “Just text him. It’s just Luke, c’mon bro.”

     _JUST TEXT HIM?! Yeah, ‘cause that’s REAL easy, Mike.  What do I say?  Something flirty, but still controlling? Or assertive? Or—wait, Ash. Michael’s right. You DO sound like a hopeless schoolgirl._   Ash contemplated what he would text Luke for a few minutes before typing out a hopefully-effective text message.

     _Hey, Luke, It’s Ashton. Text me back! Xx_

Ash took a deep breath, awaiting a response.  _Did I take the wrong path with this? Should I have gone for a less-flirt-more-friend approach?  What if Luke doesn’t even find me attractive?_ Ashton panicked a bit longer before his phone suddenly vibrated.

     _Hey, Ash! You free tonight? Xx_

     Ashton nearly squealed before typing out a reply.

     _Of course! Xx_

    The blonde drummed his fingers against the bed, awaiting Luke’s response.  A few minutes passed before the phone vibrated again, Ashton eagerly checking his texts.

     _I’ll meet you outside of Building B at 7. Formal-dress. See you then? Xx_

     “Mikey! He asked me on a date!” Ash screamed.  Michael rolled his eyes for the billionth time that day, eyes still glued to his phone doing god-knows-what.

    _See you then! Xx_

     Ashton lept up and ran to his closet, digging through various garments.  _Formal-dress, formal-dress, formal-dress….._   “Perfect,” he muttered, pulling out a dress and pair of shoes.  He ran to the bathroom, applying makeup and pinning hair in various places.  Ash slipped on the dress and shoes, checking the time.  _Six fifty?!_   Ashton sprinted to the door, calling out a, “Wish me luck, Mikey!” and only receiving a grunt of some sorts.

     Luke waited impatiently in front of the building.  He had no reason to ask where she was; he was simply early.  He adjusted his light blue tie that, “brought out his eyes,” in Calum’s words.  Just as he was about to check the time—there she was.  Sleeveless high-low dress that floated in the wind, looking like a blue icy air, nude stilettos elongating her already long legs, and her golden hair in a messy side braid.  Luke held out a jacketed elbow and she didn’t even hesitate, linking her entire arm with his.  Luke smiled and guided her to the car.

     The dinner, Ash had to say, was exquisite. The food and the atmosphere were great.  They went to some frou-frou place and Ashton didn’t want to know how much Luke actually spent on him.  The two of them fit together like puzzle pieces.  Ashton’s humor sent Luke into hysterics and that sent Ash into hysterics.  They got more than a few dirty looks from the staff. 

     Luke was having the time of his life. Ash was absolutely hilarious.  When she got her food, she dug in like there was no tomorrow.  After seeing Luke calmly eat, she blushed in the cutest way and ate in a more civilized manner.  Whenever she would laugh at her own jokes, her nose would scrunch up in the cutest way, and she would _snort._   Luke had never felt so enthralled by someone on a first date.  Ashton was charming but funny.  Cute but beautiful.  Adorable but sexy.  She was everything Luke wanted, and more.

     After dinner, Luke took Ashton by the hand and led him to a romantic pathway around the campus.  It was probably the most cliché thing Ash had ever done, but he couldn’t be happier.  The way Luke tightly gripped his hand sent _fucking dragons_ flying.  Every time Luke touched him, he was on fire.  His heart was beating so hard, he swore it would just burst.  And at this moment, Ash just wished it was Luke actually caring for _him._

     “So, Ash. Where exactly are you from,” Luke asked, “I can tell you’re an Aussie, though.” Ash giggled. “Sydney, actually,” he responded in that annoying high-pitched voice.  Luke squeezed his hand.  “Do you surf?” he asked, fiddling with his lip ring.  Ashton scoffed. “Awww, hell no!” he responded, causing Luke to cackle.  After the laughter ceased Luke looked him in the eye.  _What is he doing? Michael or Calum didn’t tell me about ACTUALLY being romantic._ “To be honest,” Luke whispered in his ear, shivers running down his spine, “Me neither.” And then, their lips were meeting with such intensity…..

     Ashton would be lying if he said he didn’t feel sparks.  No, _fucking fireworks._   Every brush of the tongue or lip sent Ash into a whole new frenzy.  _And that lip ring._   Ashton couldn’t concentrate on anything, every thought going a different direction; slipping away.  Nothing mattered. Nothing but this moment.  Ash wouldn’t give two shits if the world ended tomorrow. All that mattered was _LukeLukeLukeLukeLuke._ Ashton almost worried that if he moaned Luke’s name, it would come out like boy-Ash’s voice.  _Almost._   It was so cliché and so perfect, but Ashton wouldn’t want anything to be any other way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again for reading and check out my Tumblr under the same name as this account. (hedwigvevo) I will be having a two-weekish hiatus due to be being in Germany with limited internet. I will try my best to update there, though!  
> I love reading your beautiful comments and I'll definitely respond if you leave one!  
> Danke! xx


	4. Chapter 4

     Ashton slowly pulled the two apart, a thin trail of saliva still connecting the two.  Hazel stared into blue for a few more precious moments, until a hand fixed itself around Ashton’s.  Before he knew it, Ash was being dragged to the car.  Luke opened the door for her, but made a rush of getting into his side.  Ashton watched as Luke shoved his key into the ignition and sharply twisting it; the purr of the engine coming to life.  The blonde shoved his foot onto the pedal, the car shooting off to the university and back to Building B.

     As soon as the car stopped, Ash found himself being dragged into the building.  Ashton didn’t even dare asking where they were going, or what they were doing. The lift dinged as they reached the second floor, and Ash followed Luke into the room two doors down from his.  Luke flung the door open and pulling Ash in, thanking whatever God was watching that Calum was out.  He slammed the door and shoved Ashton against it.  “You’re so beautiful,” Luke muttered, brushing a stray hair away from Ash’s face. The hazels stayed frozen on the blues, memorizing their clear color.

     The technically-younger boy kept his hand on Ashton’s cheek, staring at his lips.  Ash stared back, mouth slightly open.  Luke fiddled with his lip-ring with his tongue until Ash couldn’t handle it anymore.  Ashton wrapped his arms around Luke’s neck, slowly drawing his in and whispering, “You’re so sexy, Luke,” before slamming their lips together.  Most people would describe a kiss as, “Magical.” Or more descriptive people would say something along the lines of, “It started out slow and passionate, but quickly sped up.” And Ashton would have to say that all of this is most definitely and certainly _false._

The kiss didn’t, “start out slow,” or anything.  It was hungry, fierce, and absolutely _filthy._   Their lips slid together almost pornographically as Ashton’s hands slowly rode up Luke’s back under his shirt.  Luke’s hands remained glued to Ash’s face, holding him in place as if he was scared he would slip away.  The slip of a girly-boy felt a soft tongue trace its way over his lower lip, begging for entrance.  _And what kind of lady would Ash be to refuse such a kind offer made by such a gentleman?_ Luke’s tongue slid against Ashton’s in the most sinful way.

     Ashton slung his leg over Luke’s hip and one of the hands gripping his face so carefully reached down to support it.  A groan slipped out of Luke’s mouth and right down to Ashton’s dick.  He didn’t really think about _that part._   Luke disconnected their mouths and latched his onto Ashton’s neck, kissing and sucking like a pro.  Ash tried to contain himself.  _Conceal, don’t feel,_ he muttered the _Frozen_ quote in his head like a mantra. _But that lip ring sliding over his neck._   “Oh, Luke,” Ash moaned.  Well, unfortunately, keeping a girly voice is easier said than done.

    Luke quickly pulled off of Ashton’s neck, leaving a dark bruise, staring at him curiously.  “You know what?” Ashton fumbled for the door handle behind him, “My sorority sisters must be looking for me.  I had a great time! Ta!”  Ash almost fell out of the room, _damn high heels_ , and slammed it. He flung the heels off of his feet and ran as fast as he could to 221B.  Luke’s door slowly began to open as Ash furiously banged on his, whisper-shouting, “Mikey! It’s me!” At the last minute, Michael flung the door open, shoving Ash into the bathroom.

     Ashton frantically tore off the wig and removed the makeup.  He spotted a change of clothes in the corner and thanked himself for thinking ahead.  A soft knock sounded at the front door and Mike answered it. “Hey, Luke.  Aren’t you supposed to be on a date?” he faintly heard Michael.  Luke’s deep voice automatically made Ash blush, after hearing it groan his name only minutes ago.  “Yeah, but she left before I could walk her back to her dorm.  Did you see her by any chance?  She was too quick for me.”  Ash suddenly felt quite guilty for running.

     He presumed Michael shook his head from the deep sigh he heard come out of Luke.  “Thanks, bro,” Luke muttered, and the door closed shut.  Ashton counted to five in his head before stepping outside of the bathroom. “Hey Mike,” he greeted his friend who was just walking back to his bed.  Michael appeared to ask how the date was until something caught his eyes. “What’s that?” Michael pointed to the hickey on Ashton’s collarbone that was visible through a hole in his cut tank.  Ashton turned bright red, trying to stammer out a reply.  Michael, being Michael, cackled loudly.

     Once Michael sobered up because of the death glare Ash was sending him, he sat down on his bed.  “How was the date with Romeo?” Ashton ignored the _Romeo_ part, and starfished onto his bed.  “Absolutely,” Ash sighed, staring up at the ceiling, “ _Wonderful._ ”  Michael sent him a weird look.  Ashton continued to stare wistfully up at the ceiling, daydreaming about his _Romeo._   “ _Dude,_ ” Michael snapped his fingers in front of Ash’s face, “You’re _fake dating_ him.  You’re not really a girl. Remember?”  Ashton just sighed again and continued to daydream.  Mike finally plopped down on Ash’s bed, lecturing him.

     “We are doing this _for fun._  We can always end it if you get to carried away—blah, blah. _Blah blah!_  Blah, Luke, blah,” Ashton decided it would be a better idea to simply block out Mike’s voice to daydream more about Luke.  Soon, it was if Michael didn’t even exist.  Ash stood up and got all of his things together and closed and locked the bathroom door, sliding down it like in a chick-flick.  After a few minutes of wallowing in feelings, Ash finally got in the shower.

     And if Luke’s moans provided him with great wanking material, _well_ …..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for being so patient with me! I just went back home with my family to visit my extended family in Germany. Good news is that I got to visit Amsterdam during Gay Pride. I honestly cried seeing the  
> same-sex couples being treated the same as straight couples. Not jus Amsterdam, either. Many/most European countries treat LGBTQAs the same way. One step closer to our complete freedom! I love you all and check out my Tumblr at hedwigvevo.tumblr.com !
> 
> Danke! xx


	5. Chapter 5

“Are you sure you’re not going a bit, I don’t know, _overboard_?” Michael asked as Ashton held up two lacy bandeaus.  The blonde glared at the blue-haired boy, and then back to the frilly undergarments.  “Do you think that black or purple would go better with this tank top? Or actually, Luke would prefer black.”  Michael looked as though he wanted to run into a wall.  He stood up and slung his ripped black backpack over his shoulder.  “I have a physics class to get to so, good luck with that…..”  Ash just sighed and gathered the pile of clothes.

     A wide grin spread across Ashton’s face as he spotted Luke in the same seat he sat in yesterday.  Ash casually sat next to him and pulled at his top’s collar, revealing his love-bite.  His grin widened when he heard Luke’s breathing deepen.  Ashton nonchalantly turned to face Luke, leaning on his chair.  “Hey, Luke.  I had a great time last night,” he found the perfect girly pitch.  Luke’s eyes appeared to clear as he focused on Ash’s face.   “Ugh, yeah.  Me too,” he murmured back, suddenly appearing to snap into reality, “Where did you really go last night? Why?”

     A flare of panic spread throughout Ashton’s body. “Oh, well. That’s actually a funny story. I was, well- I was—“ The ancient professor stepped to the front of the hall and the room went silent.  Ashton sighed and turned his attention to the front of the room.  He sighed and listened to what the professor was saying.  “Did everyone write their essay on chapter one of The World of American Poetry?”  Various ‘oh shits’ and ‘did we even have homework’ flew throughout the class. Ash confidently pulled out his paper as Luke was one to mutter an ‘oh shit’.

     As Ashton was slinging his bookbag over his shoulder, Luke tapped her on the shoulder.  Ash spun around with a huge smile on her face.  “I had a great time yesterday, and I was just wondering if you’d like to go out again tonight,” Luke asked, in his element.  Ashton blushed, trying to keep his fangirling to himself.  “Totally!” Luke’s smile grew even bigger. “I’ll pick you up in the same place.  Just wear casual clothes tonight.” Ashton nodded and kissed Luke’s cheek on the way out.  He looked back to see the blonde furiously blushing while holding his cheek.

     Ashton was on top of the world.  The shy, reserved boy had finally come out of his shell. He was going out with his crush, for Christ’s sake! Except, his crush was going out with someone that wasn’t really him.  It most definitely hurt, seeing your crush date somebody that’s _not you_ most definitely hurts, but Ash was too elated to care.  He flaunted his hickey as he swung his hips, happily making boys jealous.  _Couldn’t he have a little fun?_   By the time he walked into his next  class, Michael and Calum were more than just _a little worried._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about this short little filler. More.....interesting.....things are to come! I love all of you so much! Please go check our my Tumblr at hedwigvevo.tumblr.com if you didn't already come from there.
> 
> Danke! xx


	6. Chapter 6

     Ashton decided to be true to himself for this date. Not being girl-Ash, but rather the real Ash.  Well, of course, he was still going to be a girl (as much as he wished he could just be with Luke in the way he wanted to).  He slipped on his classic black skinny jeans and rolled up the bottoms to leave a space between them and his black Vans.  Ash put on his favorite black cut-tank top, but sadly, had to wear a bandeau underneath.  He even went as far as to put on his signature red bandana and glasses.

     Once he finished wrestling his artificial long hair into the red fabric, he waved goodbye to Mikey and checked to make sure that Luke wasn’t there to notice him leaving the room.  He sprinted down the stairs and rounded the corner outside to make it look like he was coming from the sorority house.  Ash peeked around the corner and after Luke had been waiting for a few minutes, he rounded the corner, enjoying the way Luke gaped. “Wow, Ash.  You look….. Different….. A good different!” he stuttered.  Ashton smiled and entwined their fingers, trying to ignore the sharp jolt.

     They didn’t take a car this time. The two just walked.  It was a terribly warm night in Tucson. The humidity was uncharacteristically off the charts.  The couple was constantly sweating. But Ashton is certain that he didn’t stop smiling the whole time. To be honest, Ash had zero idea where they were going.  Of course he was new in Arizona, but there were no restaurants or clubs anywhere near them.  They were pretty much in the middle of nowhere.  They walked in a comfortable silence, their hands swinging back and forth as their black skinny jeans nearly rubbed together.

     Then, he heard it.  The soft sound of a punk(ish)-rock band warming up. He turned to Luke.  “You didn’t,” he asked with his mouth wide open.  Luke’s expression turned to one of shock.  “I didn’t know you liked punk-rock,” he had to speak a little louder as the music grew louder.  Ashton’s eyes widened. “ _Do I like punk-rock?”_ he asked sarcastically.  Ashton turned to face the direction the music was coming from, straining to find the lights.  Once he spotted them, he all but dragged Luke in the general direction.  Luke ran behind, their hands connected, laughing the whole way.

     They reached a large field that held an even larger stage, swamped with rainbow lights.  Ash looked back at Luke, the biggest grin on his face, and just held his stare until pulling him to the front of the crowd.  Ashton gripped tight to the railing as he felt each of Luke’s arms go on either side of him.  He looked behind him to see Luke looking at him lovingly.  Ash pressed a chaste kiss to his lips before pulling away to anxiously wait for the band to come on stage.  He felt Luke’s arms protecting him and, ugh, _emotions._

     Ashton screamed when the band finally came on stage.  He didn’t even know them, but the thrill of a concert can do that to you.  They played a few songs before slowing down.  The last song they played wasn’t really punk--rock, but both ash and Luke knew it and loved it.  As the first beats of _“I Miss You”_ by Blink-182 began, Luke turned Ashton around, putting his hands on his hips.  Ash got the message and wrapped his arms around Luke’s neck.  They rested their foreheads against each other’s as they slowly swayed to the not-exactly slow song.

     This almost beat their first date on the cliché-scale.  The two were both smiling so wide as they looked into each other’s eyes.  “You’re so beautiful, Ashton,” Luke murmured.  Ash blushed and diverted his gaze away from Luke’s eyes.  “No,” the blonde muttered, using two fingers under his chin to bring Ash’s gaze back up to his.  Luke gently pressed his lips to Ashton’s, slowly moving them.  This was so different from every kiss they’d ever shared.  It was slow, gentle, and if Ashton didn’t know any better, he’d say _love._   They heard wolf whistles around them as they smiled.

    They broke apart just in time for the end of the song.  Except the only thing they could concentrate on was blue on hazel.  They didn’t even notice the crowd dispersing.  Though they were pushed out five minutes later by the janitor-guy (his nametag said ‘ _Gabrie_ l’), with a suggestive wink and eyebrow raise.  Ashton rolled his eyes and went back to smiling at Luke as they ran out of the field.  Ash was pretty sure they ran all the way back to Building B. “Do you wanna come inside for a sec?” Luke asked.  Ash nodded, smiling like a fool.

     Luke slowly led Ash up to his dorm, praying to the Lord above that Calum was with Mike or something.    Not that Luke had any sexual intentions….. He just wanted to be alone with his girlfriend.  Is Ashton even his girlfriend?  He had no idea.  Girls were so hard to read sometimes.  He fumbled with his keys as he tried to unlock the front door.  Ash just giggled, pointing out that he was using the wrong key.  When Luke finally got the door open,  Ash just plopped down on his bed like it was her own.  Luke shook his head.

     “Hey Ash?” Luke asked, sitting down by Ash’s feet.  Ashton perked up.  “Mmmhmm?” he replied.  The blonde fiddled with his lip ring and nervously scratched the back of his neck.  “Are we like boyfriend-girlfriend?” he asked.  Ash looked back at him calmly.  “It depends, Lukey. Do you wanna be?” Luke was slightly taken aback by her nonchalant nature, but made a sound of approval. Ash raised his eyebrows at him. “Well, I guess it’s settled.  I guess I’m now your,” Ash gulped and sucked in a deep breath, his calmness was faltering ever so slightly (and Luke definitely noticed), “ _Girlfriend._ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gutentag, my lovely daisies (I'm calling you that now)! I hope you're doing well because I'm absolutely spiffing. I double-updated for y'all (and my good friends that also read this pressured me into doing it)! I would like to thank every single one of you for reading, leaving kudos, and leaving such lovely comments. Whale..... if you're reading this, comment 'I'm not cute, I'm punk-rock' and it'll be our little inside joke. I love all of you so fucking much and thank you for reading! Check out my Tumblr at hedwigvevo.tumblr.com if you didn't come from there!
> 
> Danke! xx


	7. Chapter 7

     "My girlfriend, huh," Luke murmured.  Ashton nodded, his feet at the end of the bed suddenly very interesting.  "Hey," Luke whispered, putting two fingers under Ash's mouths, allowing their eyes to meet.  Hazels stared into blue for what seemed like forever, and neither boy would really mind if it was. "Ash?" Luke whispered eyes staying locked. Ashton bit his lip, only ceasing eyes contact for a split second. "Yeah?" he whispered back.  Luke's eyes shot down to the lips of the boy across from him for a millisecond, immediately bringing his eyes back up. "Can I kiss you?" the lip-ringed boy murmured, caressing Ashton's cheek with his hand.  Ash flushed bright red, leaning into Luke's hand. The ringlet curls on the girly-boy's wig bobbed as he nodded his head.  The right side of Luke's mouth twitched up in a half-smile as he leaned in.

     Their lips moved slowly and lovingly together, just savoring the taste and feel of the other person against them.  Ashton sat up, crossing his legs to get a position and wrapping his arms around Luke's neck.  The quiffed boy's hands fund their way to Ash's hips, gripping them tightly and pulling him closer.  Ashton's eyebrows scrunched together as he timidly traced the shape of Luke's lips with his tongue.  Luke quickly responded, opening his mouth to allow their tongues to intertwine, moving languidly against each other's.  Soon, the kiss moved a little faster, adding passion.  Ashton's hands scrambled to find purchase around Luke's neck, as the latter's hands tightened around the former's waist, pulling him impossibly closer.

     Ash felt Luke's teeth lightly pulling at his bottom lip, barely containing a moan. Luke pulled away slowly, looking Ash directly. "Don't contain it," Luke muttered, running his thumb over Ashton's swollen and red bottom lip, "I want to hear you." Ash slammed Luke's lips against his again, unleshing a loud moan.  He pulled away once more, causing Luke to whine, and pecked his lips once more.  He trailed his lips down to Luke's neck, sucking and biting all over.  He stopped in the area where the blonde's neck met his shoulder because of the loud moan that escaped Luke's mouth. The blonde threw his head back, moaning again, giving Ash better access to suck the area. "Oh, Ash," Luke moaned, and Ashton licked the red mark, that was slowly turning purple, that he had left on Luke's skin.

     Ash stood up, but kneeled back down in front of Luke. He was extremely thankful for Mike and Cal's advice to bind his dick, ' _cause man_ , it wouldn't be hard for Luke to discover his secret with a huge erection at the front of his skinny jeans.  Luke looked down at him with wide eyes, as his hazels tried to be the most obscene they could be.  The boy on top let out a loud moan and threw his head back.  Ashton slowly undid the zipper and button on the front of Luke's jeans.  He pulled them down to his knees, palming him through the thin material of his briefs.  The blonde gasped at the contact and buried his hands in the golden curls of Ashton's wig.  To be honest, Ash had never been more thankful to add that extra bobby pin.

   Ashton slowly slid Luke's hard cock out of his briefs and gave it a few experimental tugs, savoring in the way Luke groaned.  Ash slowly lowered his head down to the hard cock in front of it, giving it a few kitten licks.  "Oh god," Luke raggedly whispered as Ash's mouth slowly slid down his dick, his nose buried in the curly hair at the base.  Once Ash had bottomed out, he looked up at Luke; making his hazels appear as innocent as possible. He slowly ran his tongue around the thick head of Luke's cock, hands tightening in his hair as he kept hazels on blues.  Ash carefully pulled almost all the way off, before relaxing his throat, and nearly slamming back on.  Luke moaned as he continued bobbing his head and sucking in his cheeks in the most  _filthy_ way.

     Soon, with a whine from Luke, Ashton pulled all the way off. "Luke," he rasped, as his throat was absolutely  _wrecked_ , "I want you to fuck my mouth." Luke complied almost  _too_ easily.Ash maintained the innocent bedroom eyes as Luke gripped his hair and slammed into the wet heat of his mouth.  "So fucking _good_ , Ash," Luke moaned out, "Where the  _hell_ did you learn this?" Ash moaned around the girth of Luke's dick. The deep vibrations caused the blonde boy to throw his head back as he continued to ram into the boy below him.  Luke carefully looked down at the way Ashton's hazels, filled with tears, looked up at him and the way those pretty pink lips stretched around his cock.  And Luke was  _gone._

The blonde threw his head back once more as he nearly screamed through his orgasm.  Ash continued to hum and allow Luke to continue his thrusting through his orgasm, greedily swallowing every last drop of cum.  Ashton stood up and straddled Luke, capturing his lips. Luke moaned, tasting himself on Ashton's tongue as they danced together.  As Luke started to tug off Ash's shirt, he leaped away.  "Oh, sorry! I have a... thing!" he waved as he dashed out of Luke's dorm, and into his own. He looked around, noticing Michael was missing.  Ash shrugged and threw of his wig, collapsing onto his bed.  He palmed himself through his black skinnies as memories of blue eyes clouded with lust filled his mind.  And that's really all it took for the blonde to cum in his jeans.

     

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gutentag my lovely daisies, I hope you're doing well because I am absolutely spiffing! Man, this chapter was FUCKING HARD TO WRITE! But I reeeaaaally hope that you enjoyed it! If you didn't come from there, check out my Tumblr at hedwigvevo.tumblr.com for various crap that you may enjoy. Also, check out and say thank you to by AMAZING gurl jasonjoness13 ! He pestered me to write this chapter foreverrrrrrr..... Go follow him on Tumblr at jasonjoness13.tumblr.com ! If you're reading this, comment with, "The bags under my eyes are Gucci."
> 
> Danke! xx


	8. Chapter 8

    _How deep is the sea?_

_Though it is deep and quite blue,_

_Is it like your eyes?_

       Ash counted the syllables on his hand, making sure they lined up to the traditional haiku format. _Is it 5-7-5, or 7-5-7?_ He decided to stick with his gut and kept his original. He dared a quick glance over at Luke, who had barely talked to him for the entire class. "Luke," Ash whispered. The blonde kept his eyes down, shielding his paper with one arm. "Luke," Ashton muttered a little louder, only to receive a loud shush from that Zayn kid who was obsessed with his poetry. Ash slumped back down onto his seat, crossing his arms over his chest. He had made sure to try and catch Luke's attention today, knowing that he would still be annoyed with him over last night. Ashton wore some obscene jean shorts that barely covered his ass, and a white shirt that showed his rhinestoned and lacy pink bra. Nothing had worked so far.

     Ashton flipped his curly wig, spreading the scent of his perfume around. He saw Luke visibly struggle to keep from looking up at Ash. "Okay class," the professor deadpanned, "You don't have to turn your poem in until Monday. Have a nice weekend." Luke nearly leaped up and began to quickly walk out of the classroom. Ash spotted the piece of lined paper that still sat where Luke was. Ashton picked it up and ran after Luke. "Luke!" Ashton grabbed his shoulder, the blonde spinning around as all of Ashton's courage left him, his head falling down, "Your paper..." Luke snatched it from him and continued walking. As he stood there, lonely and dejected, he recalled what he saw on the paper. Even though it was the craziest thing to think at the moment, Ashton swore he saw:

_Gold cascading down_

_Falling like a waterfall_

_Framing those hazels_

     Michael and Calum looked at him questioningly as he sulked to the bathroom. They looked back down at whatever they were doing as Ash slammed and locked the door. Ashton put each hand on either side of the sink, staring at his reflection in the large mirror. He carefully removed the wig and cap shaking out his hair an tying in his favorite red bandana. His hand reached for the makeup wipes that sat on the counter and slowly wiped of the makeup and slowly removing the false eyelashes. Ash pulled off his shirt and the bra, stripping down to the panties he wore. He removed those as well, putting on a pair of briefs. Ashton pulled on his favorite pair of black skinny jeans and emJoy Division shirt he wore last week. "This is who I really am," he muttered to himself. emIf only Luke would like the real me too...

     Ashton opened the door and sulked to his bed, rolling up the bottom of his skinnies and trowing on his black Vans. "Where are you going?" Calum asked. Ash sprayed on some of his normal cologne, ignoring his friends. Michael stood up, pulling Cal with him. "Ash, what's up?" he asked, voice lowering. Ashton turned to face them, putting his glasses back on his face. "I'm going out," he responded. Mike stepped closer. "What. Happened," he muttered, voice dropping. Ashton sighed, keeping his ground. "I can't do this. With Luke..." he almost whispered. The two rolled their eyes. "Ash," Calum treaded with caution, "This was a joke. Don't take it personally." Ash glared at him. "You don't understand," he murmured, reaching for the door

     "What Ashton?! What won't we understand?!" Michael asked aggressively. Ashton spun around. "I don't know if you got the memo; you're not really a girl! You've been all over Luke for weeks and ignoring us! Then you screw up once, and you're going out to probably get drunk?! What the _fuck_ is wrong with you?!" Michael yelled. Ash broke into tears; but not at the way Michael was treating him. "Michael, I-" Ashton was cut off by a knock at the door. All heads aggressively turned to the door. "Cal? Mikey? You there?" Luke's deep voice sounded through the door. Mike glared at the piece of wood. "Not the time, Luke!" Michael almost growled. A sigh was heard through the door. "But I need help apologizing to Ash-"

"I said not the time!" Michael yelled, Calum staring at him with wide eyes. They thought they heard footsteps leading away. "Fine, then..." Luke muttered. The two in front of Ash turned back to glare at him. "So tell us, Ashton, what compelled you to treat us like shit?" Calum snarled. Ash opened his mouth to speak, but Michael beat him to it. "Ashton, you're our friend! We just want to help, but please, don't do this!" Michael shook him, "We just want to know why--"

    "I LOVE HIM!" Ashton sobbed, "This was  _not_  some prank to me! I love Luke Hemmings! I can't do this to him or myself any longer!" The spun around with a thump at the doorway. Luke stood there, blue eyes welled up with tears and a rose bouquet and small pink stuffed bear hanging limply from his grip. "What?" he whispered, "This was a prank?"  Ashton's eyes overflowed with tears to reach out for Luke's hands.  "No, Luke. You don't understand--"  Luke pulled his hand away from Ash's.  "I think I do," he choked out, turning away as he dropped the bouquet and bear.  Ashton brokenly sobbed as he fell to the floor, "Luke, please....." he whimpered.  Luke looked down at him, holding back tears, before leaving and slamming the door.  

     Ashton frantically reached for the bear and flowers, pulling them close.  He stared at the wall while Cal and Mike quietly and guiltily left.  Ashton robotically stood up and put the flowers into water and cuddling up with the bear in his bed; not bothering to take off his clothes, shoes, or glasses.  He sobbed loudly and brokenly as he relived the memories of being happy with Luke.

           _The dinner, Ash had to say, was exquisite. The food and the atmosphere were great.  They went to some frou-frou place and Ashton didn’t want to know how much Luke actually spent on him.  The two of them fit together like puzzle pieces.  Ashton’s humor sent Luke into hysterics and that sent Ash into hysterics.  They got more than a few dirty looks from the staff._

Ash hugged the bear closer to his chest as he spotted the dress he wore that night hanging limply in his closet.

    _Ashton would be lying if he said he didn’t feel sparks.  No, fucking fireworks.  Every brush of the tongue or lip sent Ash into a whole new frenzy.  And that lip ring.  Ashton couldn’t concentrate on anything, every thought going a different direction; slipping away.  Nothing mattered. Nothing but this moment.  Ash wouldn’t give two shits if the world ended tomorrow. All that mattered was LukeLukeLukeLukeLuke.Ashton almost worried that if he moaned Luke’s name, it would come out like boy-Ash’s voice.  Almost.  It was so cliché and so perfect, but Ashton wouldn’t want anything to be any other way._

Imagining the feeling of Luke's lips on his, he could  _almost feel_ the sparks from their first kiss.

    _This almost beat their first date on the cliché-scale.  The two were both smiling so wide as they looked into each other’s eyes.  “You’re so beautiful, Ashton,” Luke murmured.  Ash blushed and diverted his gaze away from Luke’s eyes.  “No,” the blonde muttered, using two fingers under his chin to bring Ash’s gaze back up to his.  Luke gently pressed his lips to Ashton’s, slowly moving them.  This was so different from every kiss they’d ever shared.  It was slow, gentle, and if Ashton didn’t know any better, he’d say love.  They heard wolf whistles around them as they smiled._

     The tears were pouring down Ashton's face as he pictured the greatest night of his life.  And he had never wanted to have amnesia more.

     Through the pain, a wide smile spread over Ashton's lips.  

      _"Some infinities are larger than others, but I'm so happy I got to have this little infinity with you."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gutentag my lovely daisies! I hope you're doing well because i am absolutely spiffing! Thank you sososososo much for reading this chapter! i know that the last chapter was pathetic, but it was the first (kind of) smut I've ever written..... I love every single one of my daisies for getting me here! I ACTUALLY CRIE AN HAD PHYSICAL CHEST PAINS WRITING THIS. (Well, I was also listening to Amnesia on repeat.....) I'M STILL CRYING. I HAVE NEVER BEEN MORE PROUD OF A CHAPTER IN MY ENTIRE WRITING CAREER. If you're reading this, comment, "Some infinities are larger than other infinities." Go check out my Tumblr (hedwigvevo.tumblr.com) and my bestie Jason's (jasonjoness13.tumblr.com)!
> 
> Danke! xx


	9. Chapter 9

     Ashton only got out of bed because Michael dragged him. Ashton only went to class because Calum said he's fail if he didn't. Ashton only listened because he had to stay strong. And Ashton knew that all of this was a lie.

     Ashton only got out of bed because of Luke. Ashton only went to class because of Luke. Ashton did everything for Luke. And he would even do anything so Luke would take him back. Nothing mattered anymore; not Sherlock Holmes, not his parents that shoved him away from his dreams, not his friends, not the stupid American University that made him take poetry to become a lawyer, and certainly not the worriment of Calum and Michael. Just Luke. Luke was all he lived for. It was crazy, but love makes you crazy. The only time Ashton had ever felt like a normal teenager, it too was brutally ripped out of his grasp.

     And currently, Ashton was 147% _done._ First of all, his stuck-up parents force him to become a lawyer instead of the profession he  _really_ wanted. Second, they force him into this stupid state school in the hottest fucking state in the country. And lastly, Calum and Michael pressured him into ruining his and some random dude's year.   _  
_

Ashton slowly walked to class with his head down.  Various students whispered giggled, and pointed as he walked past.  "Isn't that Ashton?" or, "Luke's ex- _girlfriend?"_   Every word went right over his head.  He found no will to care.  Ash kept his head down as he placed his books on the space of desk by Luke's, the blonde blasting some alternative music as he was turned the other way. The swarm of whispers started again as he quietly sat down.  

     The professor put his hand up as the class went silent.  "Well, class. It appears that Mr. Irwin decided it would be funny to playa sick prank on the college.  For what reason, I don't know, but he should be ashamed of himself," he turned his head in the direction of Ashton and raised his eyebrows, as if expecting him to stay something.  Ash stood up shakily.         "I'm sorry for doing this.  I didn't mean to hurt anyone.  It was just a selfish prank used to get something I wanted to myself.  Sorry, again." He sat back down as the professor began his lesson.  He snuck barely noticeable glances to Luke the entire class period; the blonde barely noticing.

      The exact second class was dismissed, Luke was out the door; Ash dejectedly followed and branched off to his philosophy class.  

     ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

     Michael carefully stepped around Ashton whenever he walked past. He was a time bomb, ready to go off; and Michael didn't want to be caught in the blast.  The (now) black haired boy was treading on thin ice.  For the past two days, Ash blocked out the world. He barely ate or slept, for that matter.  Luke felt like he had to make matters even _fucking worse_ , and ignore the poor kid.  Ashton didn't deserve  _any_ of this.  

     And Michael felt the guilt every day.

     ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

     Ashton was curled in a ball on his bed, per usual, blasting some Fall Out Boy, per usual, and beginning to worry Michael, per usual.  Tears tried their hardest to escape the confines of Ashton's eyes, but they couldn't.  There were no more tears to cry. So Ash heaved and sobbed dryly; not  single tear running down his face.  "Ash?" Mike whispered as he reached for Ashton's shoulder, "Cal wanted to meet-"

     "No," Ashton croaked, " _No."_   Mike sat on the bed, wrapping his arm around Ash's frail body as the frightfully skinny boy squirmed in his grasp.  "Cal really wants to-"

      "No, Michael! Just go!" Ashton snarled at his friend.  Two pale arms were raised as the owner slowly walked backwards to the door.

       It felt like minutes, even though it was a few hours, until a soft knock startled Ash from his nostalgia.  He debated whether to open it or not, and slowly stood up on wavering legs; beginning his trek to the door.  His hand clasped around the cheap knob and twisted, a blonde and exhausted figure stood in front of him. Ash hiccuped; from crying or nervousness, he didn't know.  

     "I don't want to talk to you," Ash growled, before slamming the door. Like before, though, an all-black Vans shoe blocked its path.  Luke swung the door open, quite unsteadily (Must've been drunk, Ash deduced), and slammed it as he let himself in.  "Luke, leave-"

     Then,  _the fucking dragons._  

     The soft, pink lips slammed themselves against Ashton's in a sloppy manner.  Ash struggled against the hands holding his cheeks, before giving in and wrapping his arms around Luke's neck.  

       But, one question,  _what the actual fuck?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gutentag my lovely daisies! I'm so overcome with emotions right now. I legit CAN NOT. If you liked this chapter, leave me some lovely kudos and comment down below! If you're reading this, comment, "It's like an emotional roller coaster!" and it'll be our little inside joke. If you didn't come form there, go check out my Tumblr (hedwigvevo.tumblr.com) for some shit and ships you may enjoy!
> 
> Danke! xx
> 
> PS THIS CHAPTER WENT ROGUE AND PUT ITSELF UP BEFORE COMPLETION SO FUCKING SORRY OMIGOD

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for checking out my first real serious work and definitely go check out my Tumblr for more at  
> into-bands-and-shit.tumblr.com.
> 
> Danke!


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